I Wish I Was A Boy

He chooses what to wear
She is ordered how to dress,

He scatters all the things
She's in trouble for the mess.

His needs get tended first
She must sit back and wait

He is always given top
She is stared at with much hate

He yells all day and night,
She is scolded for raising her voice

He will choose the girl he marries
She can't look towards the boys.

He can party with his friends
She cannot go outside,

He'll get away with anything
All rules she must abide.

He is given an advance
She is always underpaid

He is kept like a king
She is treated like a maid

He will attend a top university
She will study in her room,

He is so full of life
Her life is full of gloom.

He sleeps with a content smile
She cries herself to sleep,

He will dream throughout the night
She will continuously weep.

He laughs away with life
And jumps around with joy,

She waits for dark then whispers,

I wish I was a boy.

From Love, With Love

He stayed out in the car
Came home late at night,
So he could find her sleeping
Oh that beautiful sight

He quietly crept around
Weaving the surprise,
Then dropped on to the couch
Just before sunrise

When she opened up her eyes
Thought its all a dream,
So shocked, so stunned, in joy
She let out a silent scream

In awe she looked around
Balloons of white and red,
Hundreds of candles, a huge pile of gifts
And roses scattered over the bed

Her eyes then fell on him
He was almost on the floor,
Rushed over to his side
And looked with deep amor

Arms tight around his waist
As she half carried him to the bed,
Fluffed up all the pillows
And gently kissed his sleepy head

She took off his shoes, and undid all his buttons
Rolled him over and pulled off his shirt,
Then carefully unbuckled and slid out his belt
So that it wouldn't cause discomfort or hurt.

She ran her hands through his hair
And lightly stroked his chest,
Then leaned right into his ear
And whispered baby, you're the best

He opened up his eyes
And let out a content sigh,
Stared at her with delicate passion
And quietly asked her why

I just realised its 14th February
Its what they call Valentines Day,
But you've never given me reason to await it
Because you celebrate us, everyday

You've made every moment so special
This concept seems a childs play,
Just keep loving me like this, forever
Just love me in your very own way

~

For her and you, my life,
And all the love in my heart
I get down and beg the lord
He never does your oneness apart.

Amen.

That Night

A newly wed bride
Garmented in her red dress
Embroidered throughout,
With pretty threads of gold
Curled up in a corner
Legs drawn in

'Tis the night of doom
The night of sin

I'll not tremble with fear
I'll not cry
Come do your dirty work
I'll not question you why

You charge towards me
Like a vicious dog
A howl. A bark. A mating call.
Land right before me
Stare long and hard
A twinkle in your hungry eyes,
As you pick up the scent.
That's right, it flesh
You have your prey
Take her.

Take her away.

You lift me up
You claw at me
Are you trying to tickle?
Look at that evil smirk of yours
Do you not know, not to play with your food?
You're arms so tight around me
But they only carry.

My love alone can hold me.

Throwing me into your territory
Leaning right over me
That sly grin plays again
Laughing at my helplessness
But you know, your lips can do better than that
Grabbing mine in yours
The foreplay has begun.

Toy with my corpse.

Feed on my mouth all that you may
The wetness I'll not return
Its cold. I shiver.
Is that really a kiss?
Onto my neck, falls your breath

The sting.
The tinge.
The redness.

I see the desperation in your eyes
I see it in your movement, as you wriggle around like that
Your desire for pleasure
I hear it roar

That was swift
Everything off with the jerk of a hand
You seem experienced.

How many times, have you done it before?

Your eyes feasting on my nudity
You can make me look at your bare body
But you can't make me see.
Your hands,
Ready as ever to explore me
From head to toe
You rub, you stroke
You seem to know your way around.

How many times, have you done it before?

Drop your head onto my chest
Rough cheek against my bosom
Trying to listen?
Really there's no point
You'll not hear the beat
My heart is with him
But oh!
That's not what you're after
Its the tenderness you want

A final breath of air
And you make your entry
With a stab of pain

Its sharp.
It hurts.

I let out a low cry, in agony
The first sound I make tonight
But that bothers you not
You must continue, satisfying your desire
I call out his name
But you hear it not
Your too busy
Making you feel good

Thrusting away.

Who knows when you'll stop
I'll just close my eyes
And whilst you keep at my physical being
I'll take to the man I love, in soul
Its twice as white as you'll blacken my body
His love has kept it pure
We'll spend years, in the hours you'll take.

The hours you'll take to finish your meal.

Further in with your every groan,
Go.
Go as deep as you can
Though you must know
My vagina is no pathway to my heart.
Harder.

And harder.

But you'll never break through,
The barriers of his name
Take all the flesh you want
Eat away. Feel away.
But you'll never touch my soul
Keep groaning with pleasure
That sense of urge
I'll not moan alongside you
I don't feel a thing
I'm too far away
Where my heaven lies
In the arms of my man
Whilst he makes love with his eyes
Just by looking.

Through the windows of my soul.

Kissing away the pain.
Drinking up the tears.
Blowing in the courage to live through this death.
Kissing away the fears.

Alas you are done
The wild howl you let out says it all
Enough to make yourself tremble only
With pleasure
You have your prize
Hold your orgasm over your head

Three cheers.
Three cheers.
Three cheers.

I've served as your host
It's time you left
I can't keep either of you in any longer
Nor your anatomy,
Nor the tears
I'm choking on the lump in my throat
A need to throw up
With no-one.

No-one to hold my hair back.

Your smile,
Spread wide like the wings of an eagle
You're out already
Sleeping joyously
Feeling rich
And why not?
You would.
You should.

After all these hours of looting me.

But I alone know, my love was there

Guarding my chastity.
Shielding my modesty.

I'll go back to my corner
And curl up where this night began
I've been so very brave
Tired. And weak.
Drained.
With nothing more to lose.

Will dressing undo the undressing.
Will these floods wash away the stain.
Will death undo this sin.

And what will take away the pain?

~

No bride was she.
Just a little girl
Draped in the blood of her soul
Embroidered with the marks
He'd leave on her body that night.

When I'm Twenty I'll Be Big

When I'm twenty, I'll do plently.
When I'm twenty I'll be big.
I'll be more tall. No need for the stool. I can reach up just like that,
And take down the bottle of vodka.
I'll fill up the shiny wine glass, then take a huge swig
I can finish off the lot and keep smacking my lips
Then i can walk all funny. And talk all funny. And cross my eyes. And keep falling over.
I can. I'll be big.
I won't have to go to school
I'll stay in my bed and sleep throughout the day
And my bed, will be just how i want
In my room. Where no one can come. The door will be closed. I want it closed.
No one can open it.
And the room will be the colours i want. I can. Because I'll be big. So I can choose.
And I'll leave it messy and not clear up my things.
I don't have to.
I'll spend hours in the shower
And splash in the water
I'll finish all the shampoo and make the soap all squishy
The bathroom will get flooded. I can flood it. Because I'll be big.
I'll make breakfast lots of fun.
Bowlfuls of chocolate and bucketfuls of coke
I can decide what i want to eat.
I'm not going to buy the things i don't like.
I can keep all my money, in my pocket.
I'll be big. No one can take it from. I can spend it where I want. When i want.
I can throw all the notes in the air and catch them. I can scatter all the coins on the floor.
Its up to me. I'll be big.
And I'll get a phone. If i want to I'll even get two!
I'll call all my friends. And talk for as long as i want.
I don't have to stop.
I'll be big. I can.
I'll send texts to the Prime Minister. Big people can.
And to the famous people that come on tv.
I can even make prank calls. Scare some people. Fool some people.
No one can tell me not to.
I can walk out whenever i want. I can open the door.
I can run for hundreds of miles. And reach the other side of the world.
I'll be big. So i won't come home at night. I'll stay in a club. Big people can.
And no one can ask me where i was. No one can tell me i can't go out.
I'll be big.
I won't got to wear the things i don't like
I'll buy all the jeans in the world. I like jeans.
And if i don't want to wear any clothes at all. I won't.
No one can make me wear them.
I'll be big. I can choose.
And when I'm hot I'll wear less. And when I'm cold I'll wear an extra hoodie.
I will choose when I'm hot and when I'm cold.
I will choose how much clothes i want to wear. Big people can.
I'll be big.
So i can light one. And take a puff of the cig.
I don't need to ask if i can. I'll be big
Take a deep breath. Then blow out all the smoke in someone's face.
Then I'll laugh when they cough and splutter.
I can run around and chase the smoke.
And try holding it in my hands.
And I'll finish all the cigarettes. Till it's so smoky, no one can see.
I can't get told off for it. I'll be big.
I will walk and talk and sleep and wake and sit and eat and dress. My own way.
In big way. Because I'll be big.
And I can go on facebook. And i can't get told off for it.
I'll turn on the tv and watch the big people's channels.
The scary channels. And the swear channels. And the rude channels.
No one can switch it off.
I'll be big.

I'll be big because I'll be twenty.
When I'm twenty I'll be big.
When I'm twenty I'll do plently.
Plenty more...

...in my mind.

Lampost

Me on one side you on the other
The lampost between us, the light above our heads
Call it a blessing, in form of light
Eyes closed, they find their own way round,
Hearts guiding our curious hands, fingers entwining
The dancing light binding them together
And the promises you made
Looking through my windows, in whispers to my soul
The light a witness to them
Walking away, hand in hand
For miles on end, to the world you'd said
And years perish by
The lives we lived, the joys we shared
The moments of bliss, the tender love kiss
And lifetimes pass
Still we are one,
Walking hand in hand
Back there, to where we began

~

Me on one side my shadow on the other
The lampost between us, the night above my head
Blessing gone out
You were just an illusion

Just a trick of the light.

His Foundation

Silence.
But for the the sound of two heart beats
distinct, yet one.
Some unseen force, pinning her back
to the cold and the bare of the red brick wall
His body embracing hers in an envelope of love
though fleshes be apart
Indeed a breath away, her strained gasp
a breeze upon his lips

Looking through her windows
Lusting with her soul
Shaking her foundations. Not knowing...

...she is his.

Being In You

I thought you were bad.
Disgusting. Sick.
I hated you.
I hated you to the core.
Never wanted anything to do with you.
To be assocaiated with you.
To look at you or hear about you.
To see you, feel you, experience you.
I tagged you with every negative word i could think of.
So much so, you turned black.

But you still remain unscathed.
Still just as white. Still just as pure.
Indeed you are beautiful.

And its even more beautiful being in you.

:-)

My Mind Told Me To

I spat at an old man walking down the street
Why?
My mind told me to.

I bullied a child just because she was there
Why?
My mind told me to.

I scratched a car whilst walking past
Why?
My mind told me to.

I pushed an old lady in a wheelchair into the road
Why?
My mind told me to.

I stuffed a cigarette in that kids mouth
Why?
My mind told me to.

I drew graffiti on the church walls
Why?
My mind told me to.

I stole a jacket from the mall
Why?
My mind told me to.

I swore at my mom
Why?
My mind told me to.

I nicked money from my dads wallet
Why?
My mind told me to.

I upset her over and over
Why?
My mind told me to.

I hurt her again and again
Why?
My mind told me to.

And where was your heart in all of this?

I didnt listen to it
My mind told me...

...Not to.

Is It Right?

Is it right to stop loving you
because I fear I might lose you?

Is it right to keep away
because I fear I might hurt you?

Is it right to try and ignore you
for when I wont be here to talk?

Is it right to keep from laughing
for when I wont be here to smile at you?

Is it right to hurt you now
so you wont feel the pain later?

Is it right to make you forget me
so you don't remember me when I'm not there?

Is it right to stop you loving me
for when I won't be here to love you?

Is it right to keep afar now
for when I won't be there to hold you?

Why so silent?
Tell me yes.

If ... Why?

If we can cry when we're happy why can't we smile when we're sad?
If there are 'tears of joy', why isn't there 'laughter of pain?'
If there are raindrops & sunshine, then why aren't there sundrops and rainshine?
If god listens to us then why don't we listen to god?
If we can fly a plane and sail a ship, then why can't we sail a plane and fly a ship?
If water puts out fire, then why doesn't fire put out water?
If we need to breathe to live, then why can't we live to breathe?
If we can wait for time to pass, then why doesn't time wait for us to pass?
If there's always a little bad to come along with the good, why isn't there always a little good to come along with the bad?
If we must make something of life, why musn't life make something of us?
If we can live in the world, then why can't the world live in us?
If we can ask questions and get answers then why can't we ask answers and get questions?
If we have a guilty conscience for when we do wrong, why dont we have an un-guilty conscience for when we feel remorse?
If we can look forward to special people coming in our lives and fear losing them, why can't we fear special people coming into our lives and look-forward to losing them?
If we can fall in love, then why can't love fall in us?
If there's fear for losing, then why isn't there hope for not losing?
If we can mould our future why can't we reshape our past?

If I'm feeling everything and empty, why can't I feel nothing and fulfilled?
If I want you here right now, then why can't I just come to you there?
If I can close my eyes and see you, why can't I reach out and hold you?

If this is just a phase, then when will it come to an end?
If this reality, then will it ever stop?
If this is all in my mind, then how do I make it go?

If I'm feeling so lost and have no idea why, then why can't I be found and just told...why?

A Drop of Brown on Love.

I've found a love for writing.
The inner beings, have all found a solace.

This new world. This new life.
There was no big bang.

Just a drop of brown.

Which fertilised her love.
And I was born.

I've two people to thank, for all that they've given me this past year. For letting me be. For taking on my burden.

If you're reading this, you know who are.

I love you.